Monday, June 27, 2011

the colorful dots are registered sex offenders

this is where i used to live.

this is where i live now.


sad, that both locations are in the same county.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

she paints me blue

god i cannot believe i am doing one of these things. as if i have nothing better to do than sit here and think of things to write about myself. well, the truth is - i don't. nick's at work. on saturday. he was supposed to be off at noon and it is now 2:44. i'm not a doctor or anything, but i think it's safe to say he's late.

25 things about me that you probably don't know nor do you care about

1 i hate tongue rings. they are absolutely disgusting

2 i like to watch roseanne reruns while wrapped up in a pepto bismal pink snuggie

3 i over salt my food

4 i consider gossiping a hobby

5 lately i've been obsessed with the idea of going white water rafting

6 i have really bad anxiety about driving off the road and am constantly flinching whenever riding in the car with nick. sometimes i have to sit in the backseat so i don't have a panic attack. it bothers the shit out of him and i feel bad, but i can't help it

7 i like trees

8 i enjoy lifetime movies

9 i have a bunch of recipes on my fridge

10 whenever possible, i use the self check out

11 i'm one of the few people i know who writes thank you notes through snail mail

12 i consider acrylic nails really white trash

somehow this is turning into more of a rant than an informational post

13 my favorite song is konstantine by something corporate

14 i haven't spoken to my biological father in six months. that's a record only to the 11 years when i didn't know he existed

15 i've never seen a star wars movie

16 come to think of it i've never seen any of the god father movies either

17 i sleep with three pillows. one under the head, one between the legs and a hugger

18 i've never owned a credit card

19 i have 5 sisters and two brothers, but i do not have one full blood sibling. so sad

20 i dream every night and i always remember my dreams

21 i get deju vu aaaalll the time

22 almost of all of my blog titles are song titles

23 sometimes i eat raw hot dogs

24 i ♥ jared leto

25 i'm a creature of habit

(:


FINALLY found the secret to him sleeping in his own bed.

Friday, June 24, 2011

brick by boring brick

things have been really off lately. andrew hasn't been sleeping lately and it's been putting me on edge. i'm just so tired all the time. and i feel like i barely even know nick anymore. we never talk and haven't had any time alone in a really long time. my mom offered to take andrew today to give me a break, but when andrew isn't here the loneliness is palpable. i'd love for nick and i to spend some time together and go do something. but that's just wishful thinking. so i told her no maybe another time. the truth is if she did take him i'd probably just take a sleeping pill and hide in bed until he came home. nothing else to do. ever. i've had a headache for three days from probably not drinking enough water. and i'm soo tired. i'm depressed. i'm not getting any recognition. any affection. any communication. it's too dead around here, even for me. andrew's the only thing in this house that feels alive. even emeril just lays around and doesn't do anything. i stopped taking the antidepressants. i kept forgetting to take it. three times a day is just too much to remember. but at this junction in my life i'd probably need a lobotomy to feel better. or just forget.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

back to december

uggh first day of summer. my least favorite season. used to be my favorite since it meant no school and i could work full time at the store. but now that job is long gone along with the spontaneous summer nights of my youth. now when i think about summer i think about dirty, sweaty flip flops, the frogs in the pond who insist of croaking all night long and the heat. my favorite season is winter. i love the short days where unlike summer you aren't waiting for the daylight to finally cease. i love bundling up and wearing uggs. i love christmas. if nick would let me i would keep the tree up all year long. i love the desolate feeling like when you drive through kingston after nine pm and there's nobody in sight. summer is too alive for me. at least now. anyway, it'll be a long three months. but thank god i live in washington where you only really get a scattered maybe two weeks of pure summer weather. for this reason among many others, i'd love to live in alaska.

i've been self-medicating with my sister's prozac again. she isn't taking it and i'm too lazy to find a sitter and go on base and get mine myself. the only downside is hers you have to take three times a day. i haaate taking pills. i'll admit i've come a long way. when i first met nick i used to puke threw my nose after attempting to take them. truthfully i've never finished a bottle of antibiotics. they smell and make me nauseous. but now as long as i have some of liquid i'm okay with it. but remembering to take it three times a day is so tedious. maybe before my insurance runs out in september i'll go get my own.

this last weekend was pretty eventful. saturday we didn't do much. i woke up with a migraine and was pretty cranky. then i insisted on making spaghetti for dinner. it's my absolute favorite and i always make a double batch so i can have left overs. then nick and i ended up watching the good son (orphan is sooo a remake of that movie) and the edge which i had to cover my eyes a couple of times because of the damn bear. but still it's a good movie. then sunday we ended going to my mom's to help her after her surgery, get some laundry done and make her meatloaf since my sister was apparently too busy hosting the house as a cheater safe haven. my nana was up until three in the morning the night before my mom's surgery cleaning that house spotless and when i got there it looked like it always did. i ended up cleaning the kitchen twice and gathering up the 20 cans of half empty soda laying scattered around. that was fun. it was worth it though. my mom apparently needed the help she wasn't getting at home. i'm glad my brother went over there last night to help with her. he has an interview at taco bell today. his social security ran out since he graduated so now he's forced to get a job. he should be thankful for having it for so long. i was always jealous dad didn't legally adopt me so i could have benefited when i was in high school. but oh, well.

speaking of dad's. i think this is the first year i didn't call or even text oklahoma joe 'happy father's day'. i mean what's the point? i never got a 'hey i heard my grandson got his eyes sliced open, how's he doing?' call. just doesn't even matter. i have a dad and i'm thankful for him. if it wasn't for him all i'd have is a sperm donor who only cares about his new daughter and his psychotic wife.

tons of events are coming up. my cousin destiny's seventh birthday is coming up. we'll probably get her a barbie, but i gotta call her mom and make sure. either that or some dress up clothes. man, i better have a little girl (: then the next day we're having a small family reunion for my mom's side of the family in tacoma. it's important to go so everyone can see andrew. plus i've been mentioning to nick how much i'd love to go to house of kee chinese in puyallup. chinese food is my absolute favorite food ever and that's my absolute favorite place to get it. they have the best won ton soup. with thick noodles and a deep broth i would drink out of a glass. i've been going there since i was a kid and my parent's would take us there after our annual trip to the fair (: mmm soo good. then the next day is fourth of july and we'll probably go to my aunt's since it's here in town and nick will have to work the next day. a bunch of my family is taking a trip up to birch bay near bellingham to go camping, but i don't think we'll go. nick's saving the rest of his vacation days for california in october and i've got the feeling we aren't as welcome since it'll be so crowded. i'd still love to go see my friend's sierra and james up there and my sister colleen. i told nick we aren't definitely driving up there this summer. and if he won't go with me, i'll go myself.

i've moved andrew's party to saturday, august third in olalla. bonfire, bbq and swimming pool at my nana's. how could you go wrong? i've gotta get my ass in gear about the invitations. i want them sent out about a month before. but i have some paper work i need to get done for andrew's medical first and i still have another two weeks or so left.

and now onto my favorite part. i've left out taking a bunch about andrew until now so i can sum up everything all at once. it's been a very clumsy week for my little boy. last week he fell off the couch and the bed in the same day. the couch was nick's fault, but the bed was mine. it ewas about 3 am and nick woke me up because andrew was in our bed again and kicking him in the back. so i grabbed him and rolled him over to the outside of the bed and held onto him and fell back asleep. apparently i didn't have as good of a grip as i thought because not even five minutes later i hear a clunk and some screaming and nick yelling at me that andrew fell off the bed. it was awful. our bed is pretty high up, higher than usual i guess. i felt so bad. he slept in his bed the rest of the night and seemed like he was mad at me the rest of the morning. i've got to get him to sleep in his own bed. around three or four every morning he wakes up and i just put him in our bed. it's a terrible habit. last night i got the worst night's sleep of my life. he was kicking and had to hold onto my face and hair all night. it was awful. i'm going to move his bed today from my side of the bed to the end of the bed so he can't see us when he wakes up. i can't take it anymore. it's become a terrible habit. i hate sleeping in the same bed with him. i feel bad, but i spend all day long with him. at night is the only place it's quiet and i can just be alone with nick who doesn't wake me up every half hour or smother me. but anyway, yesterday nick went to the store and i was on the phone with my dad trying to pick up the kitchen and andrew was playing with his fire truck (seriously the only toy out of about fifty that he will play with) and it was like slow motion. he slipped on his footy pajamas and smacked his face on the truck. i didn't realize how bad it was i mean it's a plastic truck. but then i saw the blood. i think his bottom teeth (which are the only ones he has) cut the inside of his top lip. it was so sad. but i finally got the bleeding to stop and he was laughing after a few minutes. i fed him a popsicle and he went to sleep. then he woke up and he was PISSED so i gave him some tylenol. . . . i'm still on my war against baby food and this last week i found out andrew does not like buttered pasta. but he loves tiny pieces of hot dog (yes, i k now it's a choking hazard but they're literally the size of earring studs after i'm done with them) and chicken nuggets. he also ate some tomato last night and some of nick's mom's beef and mushroom rice. we'ce also started giving him a mix of formula and whole milk so once he's a year he can just have whole milk and be used to it. the toddler in him is starting to rear it's ugly head, but i still love him.

 from a while ago but i love this picture

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

only exception

i swear the only time i blog is when i have house work to do. i haven't posted in a while. i'm not sure anyone really reads this shit plus there's been a lot to update on, however not all of it was exactly what i'd like to share with anybody. i've had a rough too weeks. a bad attitude and a lot of biting my tongue. i feel so fake all the time trying to spare everyone's feelings from my harsh comments and lewd jokes that apparently go too far. i always have my dad, nick and sierra who i swear i can say anything to without any judgement. it's nice to have a handful of people i can vent to.



anyway, my mom is having surgery on friday to get a lump removed from her breast. she's already had a biopsy to confirm it isn't breast cancer, but it's still serious. i wish i could go to her appointment with her, but it's just not possible with andrew. he's too much of a handful now to sit still for 2 hours. and i wanted to go to her house afterward to make her dinner, but i guess she's going to my dad's afterward which is probably the best place for her to be. it's always so quiet and my dad spoils the hell out of her. too bad his house is too far away (over an hour) to wait for nick to get home at five, drive there, make her dinner, eat and then drive home. so she's coming over tomorrow. i told her i'd make her anything she wants and of course for her post surgery meal she wants heart attack tacos. since we were kids (until i was about 15 and my mom gave up on cooking since "she only had children so she'd have someone to wait on her" and i didn't mind cooking. seriously she said that) she made us what my sister and i call "heart attack tacos" since they are greasier than bacon. it's basically a thin layer of ground beef spread on half a corn tortilla and then fried in oil, then you take it out and put half a piece of american cheese in it before you close. i eat them plain but my mom puts in lettuce and ketchup, nick always puts in avocado (mexican!). only those who have ever been truly close with my family know about our freakish recipes. my favorite is the dip. oh god the dip (: favorite food since i was five. gives you the worst breath.

this weekend is father's day. i'm not sure if we'll make it out to see my dad, but if not i put together the best present for him. if anyone knows me i almost always give framed photos as presents. i took almost all the black and white photos from my dad's childhood and put them in a really nice frame. i'm so excited for him to get it. even if i have to mail it. hopefully the weather will be nice enough for nick, andrew, emy and i to go to beach. i wanted to go a few weeks ago, but didn't wanna risk sand in andrew's eyes so soon after the surgery.

ugh see this is why i should have blogged sooner. there's so much to say. our anniversary, andrew's eye surgery, emeril running way, my hair!, joey's graduation, nick's sister tiffany visiting. i'll sum it up with hopefully a few sentences each.

our anniversary
on tuesday, june 7, 2011 nick and i celebrated being together for three years. we didn't really do anything out of the ordinary due to the lack of funds and not being able to find a sitter in the middle of the week. but we did watch just go with it and had a really nice dinner. it was a good day. i love him so much.

andrew's surgery
it went very well and the staff at the silverdale surgery center have the best bedside manner i've ever experienced. his eyes are perfectly straight and it couldn't have gone better.\

before

after

emeril running away
the same day of andrew's surgery emeril decided to follow a little girl home from the bus stop at the end of our street. and of course he was not wearing his collar. we looked for him for about 3 hours total. nick posted an ad on craigslist and i reported him missing to the humane society. we were going to make fliers, but we don't have a printer (never really needed one). so since andrew was still drugged up and his eyes were still bleeding we decided to hold off the fliers until the next morning. that morning when we left to go make the flier we saw a found flier on the mail box, called the number and got him home safely.

my hair!
the next day we went to my mom's where my uncle's girlfriend who is a beautician did my hair, as well as nick's my sister's and my mom's. i got mine cut and dyed a dark chocolate brown like when i was in high school. i love the color. however i stupidly decided to get very blunt bangs. i've had bangs 3 times now since i was in elementary school. i hated them when i was 15, when i was 19 and now when i'm almost 21. hopefully i'll learn my lesson and never do this to my head again.



my brother's graduation
it went over okay. the night before though i had to make a macaroni salad (which i keep fucking up by experimenting), and stay the night at my mom's house putting together this stupid scrapbook collage on a poster board until 2 am. ugh! then the next day i had to load everything in the car and nick, andrew and i drove to my dad's. while i cut up fruit, nick put up banners and tried to keep andrew from making a mess. then everyone showed up and we had sandwiches, chicken, potato and macaroni salad, fruit, veggies, beans and all sorts of other yummy things. then the kids +nick thought it would be fun to draw boobs all over everyone's car. and then for some reason i was stuck washing all the boobs off with a windex and a roll of paper towels. but then after everyone left my mom took a nap with andrew and my brother and buddha took our cousin chelsey, nick and myself up to the steel bridge since we'd never been. it wasn't as high as i thought it would be, but the view was breathtaking.



nick's sister visiting
on monday nick's sister and his niece came to visit.  since it was the middle of the week and nick was working there wasn't much to do, but it was still nice to see them.

other than those events, i've become addicted to dexter. netflix instant play only offers seasons 1 and 2 so i now have to order the discs by mail which fucking SUCKS since each disc only has like 3 episodes on it and you have to wait like 3 days between each disc but oh well.

i've finally been getting andrew to eat something other than baby food. unfortunately he hates my cooking. but he will eat cereal (hold the milk), mandarin oranges and other soft fruit, macaroni and cheese, tater tots, mixed frozen veggies. we're going grocery shopping saturday at the commisary and i'll get him chicken nuggets to test. i'm sure he'll love them. nick and i have been obsessed with smoothies lately so he always has fresh fruit. the only problem is i cannot get him to drink out his sippy cup. he doesn't understand that you have to tip it up to get the liquid out. the first time i gave it to him he tried to drink out of it from the floor. i'll post a pic at the end of this paragraph. he's finally down to 3 bottles a day and i'm hoping to wean him by the time he turns one, but on;y if he figures out the cup. he's starting to cruise more. i think it'd speed up his walking if he could touch the ground in his walker, but he still hasn't been able to yet. i guess it was inevitable he'll be short like me.


 btw: new favorite song is monster by paramore