brick by boring brick

things have been really off lately. andrew hasn't been sleeping lately and it's been putting me on edge. i'm just so tired all the time. and i feel like i barely even know nick anymore. we never talk and haven't had any time alone in a really long time. my mom offered to take andrew today to give me a break, but when andrew isn't here the loneliness is palpable. i'd love for nick and i to spend some time together and go do something. but that's just wishful thinking. so i told her no maybe another time. the truth is if she did take him i'd probably just take a sleeping pill and hide in bed until he came home. nothing else to do. ever. i've had a headache for three days from probably not drinking enough water. and i'm soo tired. i'm depressed. i'm not getting any recognition. any affection. any communication. it's too dead around here, even for me. andrew's the only thing in this house that feels alive. even emeril just lays around and doesn't do anything. i stopped taking the antidepressants. i kept forgetting to take it. three times a day is just too much to remember. but at this junction in my life i'd probably need a lobotomy to feel better. or just forget.