i've been meaning to blog for the past several days. but i really have not had the time. or the words. andrew's keeping me on my toes most days. getting into everything. monday it was the flea and tick powder right before bed so i had to give him his second bath for the day. tuesday it was the eggs. thankfully he only broke two out of the six that were in the package he pulled out of the fridge. last week he got a hold of the toilet paper when i was in the shower. he's so curious. a very active child. i couldn't be more proud.
it's starting to feel like summer. i purposely left out the word 'finally' because i never wanted it to be this way, but i knew it was inevitable. even in washington we get maybe two weeks of real summer weather. the heat has always brought out the worst in me. and looking out the window and seeing the sunlight and the bright green grass i feel guilty being inside. that guilt has got me to take andrew outside to play at least once a day now. i bring some of his inside toys outside to play with on the grass, but i think he'd appreciate it more if he could run around and really make use of all the space we have. he has taken a few steps here and there. just a little more confidence and he'll get there. his top teeth have finally arrived. i still haven't been able to get a decent picture of his teeth. he doesn't sit still long enough for me to get any straight on pictures of him. his birthday party is this saturday. nick and i bought him a few outfits. nick picked them out and i picked out the shoes. michael jordan red jersey and matching pants with black and red skidders to match. i'll post party pictures this weekend.
i'm short on time right now. andrew's in his high chair finishing up lunch (which i managed to take a few bites of). he really did make a huge mess of his ravioli. but he loves it so i don't mind cleaning it up.
nick's thinking about buying a truck. an S10 nonetheless. ugh. but chances are i won't be spending much time in it. not really car seat accessible. but i will have my car back. nick bought me a red chevy cavalier in february that i'm in love with. but we ended up having to sell his car and hadn't had enough sense to hold onto my neon so i've been car-less since april. it hasn't been that inconvenient. except at 6 am when i have to get andrew up and take nick to work so i can run errands or take andrew to the doctor.
but if i do get my car back it raises a big question. do i go back to work? would it be worth it after paying for daycare? and with how busy this household seems to have got will i even have time to work without sacrificing the housework? i still haven't picked up my vitamins and without them i don't think i can handle the fatigue without them. i'm so sluggish and my body aches all the time. i know it's the deficiency. this week has just been too busy to find the time to pick them up. i'm so tired of these excuses but it's true. i think for the time being, until my vitamin D and B12 levels are up and i'm stable on my medication i'm not going to be in a big hurry to return to the workforce. and certainly not during the holidays. i've already ruled out school. everything that i've read and heard tells me getting myself into a huge debt over a degree is just not worth it in this economy. the one thing i am sacrificing though is my health insurance and it really sucks. but in order to go to school i'd have to work full time to pay for daycare. school full time for insurance, work full time to pay for daycare all with a boyfriend and 1 year old and a house to take care of? many women have done it, my mother included but i just don't think i'm up for the challenge. i enjoy my time home with andrew way too much. i want to raise him. nobody else. at least for the first few years.
there are so many other topics i could talk about. my therapy and how it is really not what i expected. my birthday looming which i try not to think about, but every august i start to feel the dread with maybe a touch of excitement. i will be 21 after all. but i have decided after much consideration that i do not want to go to the bar. nor do i want to go to the casino. for one bars are gross and i'm not a big drinker. and two, i am a mother. i do not need to spend my evenings at the bar when i could be enjoying time with my family. and three, i hate casinos. they're boring and full of smoke which kills my mood and makes my brain swell. an adult only dinner at a mexican restaurant where i can enjoy my meal while it is still warm and a strawberry daiquiri or two is just perfect.
another thing i'd love to do is donate blood. ever since my blood transfusion after andrew's birth i've been meaning to give back. i've always wanted to be a 1 gallon donor like my dad. and i've always been into the idea of sacrificing my body by helping others. for instance, i am an organ donor. also, i want my body donated to science after i die. and andrew and i are the same blood type. i would gladly give him a kidney or a piece of my liver, though i hope he'd never need it, not only because i am his mother, but because in my mind it is the right thing to do. that being said, i'd love to donate blood. but with my transfusion i've had to wait a long year before being able to do so. and now with my deficiencies i'm sure i'll have to wait even longer /: also, i'd really rather not do it alone. but nick doesn't seem interested, my sister has no time, my best friend lives too far away and my dad isn't healthy enough to donate /: hopefully one day soon i can do it. even if i have to do it by myself.
i have a lot more to say of course, but andrew is getting fussy in his chair and i have work to do.
toodles.
