the last two days i've had increasingly bad luck.
yesterday my absolute favorite bra (which was zebra print) broke. the underwire completely came out of one of the sides and no matter what i did i could not jam it back in. the upside of this is that nick promised that on payday (friday) i could get a new one at victoria's secret. but i'm too frugal. and i want the old one back. i'm going to go on base and hopefully find the exact same one for half the price of the one at VS. it was so comfortable. i loved it. and for now until friday i have to wear this shitty one that itches.
then yesterday afternoon i noticed the coffee pot broke. we had coffee on saturday morning and that afternoon when i did dishes a glass broke while in the side of the sink with dishes soaking in hot water. well, i didn't think anything of it because our glasses routinely break. but yesterday as i was filling up the pot in the sink i noticed it wasn't filling up. then i noticed the small gash on the lower bottom. i assume it's what the glass had broken against in the sink on saturday. i was so bummed. i had cleaned and fed andrew lunch, gave him a bath and put him down for a nap and was finally going to enjoy a little SATC with a cup of coffee with the hour or so i had to myself. didn't work out.
then without the caffeine i started to get a migraine. all i wanted to do was go to bed early and sleep off the headache and frustration. but i had to go to my therapy appointment. thankfully i mainly learned how to meditate and what stress does to the body. but i felt like i was back in high school again. stuck in class and trying so hard to pay attention but could not stop replaying family guy episodes in my head or thinking about much i wanted to fall asleep. especially while meditating. but the breathing techniques really worked. i fell asleep a lot better last night focusing on my natural breathing other than the pain in my head or my worries about the next day.
i'm too annoyed to really explain what happened at the WIC office this morning. long story short i had the wrong appointment time and didn't even realize it until i went in there thinking i was on time. so embarrassing.
then my doctor called and said my blood work came back and my vitamin D count is extremely low. not surprising. the lack of sunlight we receive here and the fact that i hate milk. i'll probably end up with osteoporosis one day based on my luck. he also said my B12 count is low and that i need to supplement both and that could help with my never-ending fatigue, sore muscles and depression. hopefully it'll take care of the physical stuff but i have a feeling i'll need a lot more therapy to get rid of my demons. i still don't feel like i've opened up completely. it's a very difficult process. i had to email her to make the appointment because it was too difficult to even say "i need help" out loud.
but anyway, there is a downside of all these supplements which i haven't picked up because a) i had andrew and the naval hospital is such a pain in the ass just by myself not to mention with a one year old and b) the longer i wait to pick them up, the longer it is until i have to take them. i hate pills. they are disgusting and i hate swallowing them as i've most likely stated in previous blogs. they are chalky and smell bad. and vitamins are usually huge. i don't do well with horse pills. i dread taking medicine. i've had a migraine for 2 days because i can't buckle down and take my caffeine pills because i usually vomit them right back up. it's like pulling teeth to get me to take my anti-depressants. i truly do feel bad for nick because he has to taunt me every night to take them after i've snoozed my alarm for the tenth time. i do have the coolest alarm though. every night at nine o'clock (because prozac makes me sleepy) my alarm goes off with the exorcist melody and says. 'take your prozac, crazy bitch'. i think it's funny. but i've always had a twisted and inappropriate sense of humor.
so anyway, all day today i've felt flu-like symptoms. i think it might just be my migraine which i have been trying to drown out with as many glasses of water as i can stomach. (dehydration is the leading cause of my migraines i have come to learn). my mom came and got andrew earlier to give me a break and a chance to feel better by de-stressing and getting a good nights rest.
speaking of andrew. last night while i was in therapy, he took his first steps for his daddy. you don't know how much is kills me that i wasn't there to see that. and i know it's ridiculous but i really do feel like less of a mother because i was in therapy and not with my baby. i know logically i am doing the best thing i can for him by getting help now, but ii can't help feeling a little disappointment. but i've seen everything else and i will be there for him and i have been there for him. i am glad though that nick was there and got to experience that. he deserves special memories with andrew just as much as i do.
i was planning to write more but the pills are starting to kick in and i need to lie down. i may do a shorter update tomorrow.
