it's been three days since we arrived home. the plane ride was much more difficult and i forgot how much seatac sucks. but we've settled back into the nest. andrew had some trouble going back into his own bed after spending almost a week sleeping with us. i had the worst migraine thursday night. i'm almost used to the pain. it's the nausea that i can't handle. still, i don't feel comfortable taking medicine for it unless it's an absolute emergency. maybe i believe i deserve to suffer. i've always felt that way about any pain that was inflicted on me before. why should this be any different? anyway . . .
today is a slow day. nick had to work all day and i've spent the morning and afternoon keeping andrew away from the cords and electric sockets. tonight we are buying child proofing stuff. outlet covers, cabinet locks for under the sink and a baby gate for the opening through the kitchen and living room. i'm not going crazy about the child proofing. i still believe you should watch your kids and teach them to stay out of stuff. but the cords, electric sockets, cleaning cabinets and kitchen will be off limits. too many risks. but andrew is certainly everywhere. he refuses to be in his swing and jumper. so we can finally give them back to my cousin who loaned them to me. they take up a lot of space anyway and then we can finally get nick a computer desk and i can have my kitchen table back. andy has a little cold, but i'm assuming it's from the drastic climate change. if it gets any worse i'll take him to the doctor, but they can't do much for a cold virus anyway and i haven't felt the need to give him tylenol or his inhaler.
tomorrow we're heading down to shelton to see my dad and have homemade pizza and smoothies. he's so excited about the new ninja blender he bought. i realized today this is the farthest i've ever lived from my dad (the travel time being over an hour drive) and we've never been closer. we talk every morning and usually once or twice the rest of the day. i wish we lived closer and i've urged him to come look at houses up here, but he won't make any decisions until my little brother joey graduates. so for now i'll have to settle for daily phone calls. i still worry about him though. if anything ever happened to him he'd move in with us or us with him so i could take care of him.
i've been thinking long and hard over what to do about my military insurance. i don't want to be one of those mother's who only sees their children (yes, we are having more in the future) after school to before bed. that's not the life i want to have. i have nothing against a woman's right to be a working mother, but that's not for me. i want to be a full time mother. i want my children to have what i had growing up. my mom was always there for us. my father was the provider. call me old fashioned, but it's my choice. i don't feel like going to school and putting myself in debt without a clear career path in mind to pay of the tuition costs. i want to go to culinary school. but in our area there are no culinary schools close to here and i can't afford to commute to seattle. it's not worth it to me to have health insurance that i never use otherwise. i would have rather had state medical for my pregnancy, but they wouldn't let me because of my primary military coverage. and look how many things they missed. i was stuck with anemia they didn't disclose to me until i was seven months pregnant even though they knew i was anemic even before i got pregnant. i never saw the same doctor twice. and don't even get me started on the staff at madigan. it ultimately comes down to this: go to school for insurance coverage i don't want for an unknown career i'm not sure i want to pay for all while sending andrew to a daycare i don't trust letting other people raise him? or be home with andrew and wait to go back to school when we're living in a different area and he's in school full time. the decision is clear. and yes, i have thought about whether nick will marry me so i can be on his health insurance. it's not going to happen. i've made peace with this and have given up all hope. some people just aren't meant to get everything they've ever wanted. at last i have andrew.
